The Scariest Topic EVER: MARRIAGE

The Scariest Blog Topic EVER: MARRIAGE!!!

Someone suggested I write a blog post about MARRIAGE, and WOW I really wanted to skip over it and move on to something lighthearted. First of all, I want to be clear that Phillip and I are no experts!!!! We struggle weekly I can promise you that! (HELLO, two very stubborn people here, haha!) But, I decided to tackle this topic specifically with the slant of “marriage to your business partner” in hopes that what we’ve learned encourages someone!  [Coronavirus Update: hopefully this blog will also encourage you in your “marriage with your temporary work-from-home partner” too, haha!!!]

 

Right off the bat, I want to be sure to say marriage is WONDERFUL. God designed it to be a beautiful partnership for support, encouragement, love, trust, and a forever sleepover party with your best friend. I am so blessed to be married to my perfect opposite, my best friend, my business parter, and someone who I trust 100% no matter what. We’ve been married for 6.5 years now, and both truly feel like it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to us.

 

BUT being married to someone you also WORK WITH can be SO DANG HARD sometimes. For Phillip and I specifically, navigating the roles of who’s “the boss”, me asking Phillip to do housework instead because I’m busy, Phillip going golfing while I stay home working, me always working and not being a “fun wife”….the list of navigating the uncharted territory of “marriage to your business partner” goes on and on.

 

There’s no handbook for how to handle working together, much less working FROM HOME together. Over the years, we’ve had lots of “discussions” (aka mini arguments) about how to handle it, and I wanted to share with you a few ways we’ve personally managed to have a happy & great marriage that’s also a successful business partnership!!! (Disclaimer first: we aren’t anywhere near perfect, definitely not experts, we are still learning every day, and can only speak from our personal experience!)

 

1. We’ve learned that keeping “LISTS” of all the things WE’VE DONE is reallyyyy dangerous territory. Our biggest arguments can be when we start listing off all the things “we’ve done” and hold it over the other person. It NEVER ends well and always makes the other person mad. This is still something we struggle with (mainly me!) alot. It’s very easy for me to feel jealous of Phillip going out golfing with friends while I work, and the jealously bubbles into: “Well I’ve done X Y Z while you’ve been gone, what have YOU done?!” Yeah…. not good!! Instead, we’ve been trying to THANK each other for the things we’ve noticed them doing unasked, and try to be very appreciative of the other person working hard. :)

 

2. We’ve set aside “gender roles”. I’d love to be that “perfect wife” who cooks, cleans, does the laundry, pays the bills, and all those tasks SUPERWOMEN do…. but let’s be honest I’M DEFINITELY NOT. Phillip sees when I’m too busy working and will go grocery shopping for us, pay all the bills,  do laundry, clean, make the bed, do all the ironing, and run lots of my errands for me. He’s never once made me feel “less of a woman” for that, and I really appreciate it!!! This method may not work for everyone, but it works for us! Phillip works for a non-profit (Fellowship of Christian Athletes) where he has to raise his own salary, so obviously our finances depend on our photography business! He has done an amazing job of never feeling like he has to “compete” with me financially, and has never felt weird about the photography business being our main source of income rather than HIS job(s). I really appreciate him for that!!!

 

3. Have “wedding money.” This is hilarious and slightly embarrassing, but I’m a penny pincher (lots of the time) and I question most of Phillip’s random purchases. Phillip LOVES spending money, and we used to argue a lot about money. BUT our solution was “Wedding Money”. After every wedding and session, I give Phillip a little $$, for his work and he can spend that money on whatever he wants without me bothering him about it. (Let’s be honest, I still annoy him with “Do you REALLY need that?!” comments hahaha) But seriously, it’s helped our arguments *mostly* subside about money, and has been good for our marriage! Other couples have “play funds”, or “splurge money” for shopping, hobbies, spa days, etc. and that works great too!

 

4. TRAVEL. Since we work together, and both have HOME offices, lots of our day-to-day is routine and can be “work talk.” But when we schedule travel, it’s such an amazing way to have new EXPERIENCES together, build our relationship, share things no one else will understand, and brings us closer together! Even if it’s a date night to a place you haven’t been to before, I recommend you MAKE TIME for new experiences together! [Update for the coronavirus: Obviously we can’t plan trips right now. BUT yesterday we hopped in the jeep, got Bojangles, and drove out to the water to sit and each lunch together. It was new, different, and we had a wonderful time having a “new experience”. So, just try something like that to bond without your phones!]

 

5. LEARN LOVE LANGUAGES. We mentioned this topic briefly in our video (Click HERE if you missed it) but taking the Love Language quiz (click HERE if you haven’t – there’s a quiz for Couples, and one for Singles!) and learning how best your partner (or future partner!) can serve you, love you, and fill up your “love tank” is so important! What demonstrates “LOVE” to me, is NOT what shows love to Phillip! I need “Words of Affirmation”, and “Quality Time” the most. If Phillip does these things, he can show me he cares and makes me feel really loved! BUT if I were to gush over Phillip with words of affirmation he’d just feel really uncomfortable and hate the attention. Instead, Phillip needs “Acts of Service” (yay for helping him with projects, haha!) and “Receiving Gifts”  to feel loved. Once we know what the other person needs to truly feel LOVED, we can better serve them!!! [Coronoa update: We all KNOW you have time to spare now, so please take a few minutes to each take this quiz, so  you can start loving the other person the way that’s most meaningful to them!]

 

Obviously we’re still learning, and still growing with each other every single day. It gets a little easier as we’re honest with each other and make changes to support each other. Our Christianity is also a huge part in our relationship – keeping us grounded with Jesus’ perfect example of forgiveness, patience, and love. :)

I do hope that the little things we’ve learned as partners in LIFE and BUSINESS can help encourage you too! :)